Our natural state is love; our very essence is love. When we are present to our experience of life, it is an experience of love. Love of our self, love of life – those are just labels to try to describe the felt-sense of awareness of being present, here, now.
The mind is very good at interpreting the body’s experience into a story, and that story repetitive in our internal dialog, can harden into a pattern – a neural pathway that can be triggered by a similar experience, a passing energy that the mind interprets once again – and into a story.
As 9-centered humans, we are capable of the felt-sense of awareness of love, while also capable of identifying with the story that our mind is telling us. The dilemma is that we have been trained to believe that we are our mind, rather than training the mind to be an observer of our experience. We believe the mind’s story that we should find love in a particular person, that love should carry us from one peak experience of excitement and happiness to the next, that there is something in particular life should give us as an experience of love – and if only we did this or that, we’d have it. Or, we believe the mind’s story that we are not worthy of love, we are broken and wounded, and will never find love if we don’t change this or that about ourselves.
Love is like an ever-shining internal light, showing us ourselves, as we experience the pure love of communion with our self. The dilemma is that we don’t see it at all. The internal dialog or mental stories are like blinds which block that internal love light. The blinds may be beautiful or ugly, but we find them captivating our attention, so that we never see the inner light itself. We don’t recognize love, because we are stuck looking at the obstacles, the blinds that we put in the way between us and our actual experience of life.
With the mechanics of Human Design, the path to self-love is a binary path. On the one side, we have to train the mind to observe the experience of the present moment, the life that the body is experiencing. In order to train the mind, we have to be able to see the conditioning blinds, the persistent illusion that the mind is focused upon. When we can see the conditioning stories, we can begin to observe what is beyond them.
On the other side, once we have begun to give the mind its correct job as observer, then we can begin to be aware of the body’s intelligence, the body’s awareness of its unique experience of the frequencies and energies of life. We talk about the body intelligence as being unconscious – it is only unconscious to the mind, not to the body. And, as we train the mind to observe, we can begin to recognize the body’s experience. Inner Authority is a process of observing the body’s intelligence at the surface. It’s always present, but we haven’t always been aware of it. Slowly we begin to recognize when the mind is trying to manipulate a situation, and when we are observing the pure inner recognition of the body’s correctness.
Over time, we can begin to realize that awareness comes and it goes, that the experience of self-love is not a constant awareness, even though that self-love is continuously available to us. It is our attention that moves between observing our internal stories and observing our internal experience.
We are a binary consciousness being – we have the potential for the self-realization of consciousness, while in form, while in a body. Pure consciousness is nice and all – but without a body, there is no way to be in touch with it, to recognize the experience of love that is who we are on this material plane, body and mind, design and personality, a quantum of both.
When the mind begins to talk about things like how can I have a better love-life; there are layers of conditioned, internalized story that have become activated.
First of all, it is confusing the external experience with the internal experience. The outside world is going to come and go. People may travel on a parallel path in life, you may relate with them, but they are not you. Each of us are alone, all one in our vehicles. No one else will ever enter your vehicle. Even during sex, skin may touch, but the other person is on the inside of their skin. We can share our minds in communication, but the other never truly knows your experience of life that your mind is describing. They are simply translating what you are saying through their experience.
This first layer of conditioning of wanting a better love-life, is built upon: I need someone else to feel whole. Until that is seen as an internal story, then the life is going to be run by the mind trying to cover up or fulfill the story of: I don’t feel whole and complete as I am, I am scared to be alone, or, my life should be more, have more, do more…and the right person will bring that for me.
The next layer of conditioning of wanting a better love-life is the dilemma of wanting. Wanting is a cabal between the ego and the mind – the mind tells an internal conditioning story: this would be better if that would happen, and then the ego pushes to make it happen.
The dilemma of wanting is built upon the lack of experience of the present moment. The mind would rather imagine a pretend future result, and push the body to try to make that happen. Then, when it doesn’t turn out the way the mind imagined it, it tells you a new internal conditioning story about: how you failed, or didn’t do it right, or tries to sell you on the next thing that’s going to make your life better.
The question to look at is: Am I ok right now? If there’s no blood on the floor, and you are breathing, life is supporting you. And if there is blood on the floor, it’s time to get to the emergency room. Most of the time, the mind simply wants the entertainment of imagining.
Nothing wrong with that, but what it imagines, when it tells you an internal conditioning story; also brings a flood of brain chemistry. And that chemistry can be experienced as anxiety, fear, or nervousness, in the body. Or, it can be experienced as excitement, enthusiasm, passion, in the body. And every time the mind tells that particular conditioning story, the same chemistry is released. We can become addicted to feeling that release of chemistry into the brain – even the fear kind. The problem here is that instead of observing how the mind telling the story results in a body sensation, we believe the reverse is true. We believe that there is a body sensation, therefore what the mind is saying is real. And then, because we believe that what the mind says is real, we push with the ego to make it happen.
The transits of the Moon offer us a mechanical, binary path towards self-love: to begin to recognize the way the mind interprets the energies of the transits into internalized conditioning stories; and to begin to observe the way the body uniquely experiences the distinct energies that life brings, as the Moon moves from gate to gate. When we begin to recognize the mind’s internalized conditioning stories, we are no longer identified with them, they begin to lessen the release of brain chemistry, there is less of a push to try to get the life to fit what the mind imagines. When we begin to observe the body’s unique experiences of energy, of frequency, we find the present moment, which is changeless, our unique essence of love.
